We do all the normal stuff a kid her age does, we go to birthday parties, we swim (as long as my husband or I are present), we play at the park, Meg takes piano and just recently she enrolled in after school Drama Club!  However, she still sleeps with us and I’ve never let her stay at someone elses house!

I mean we’ve had kids stay the night at our house, but the thought of her having a seizure at someone elses house scares me!  Let’s face it seizures aren’t pretty and they can be frightening if you’ve never seen them before!  Heck they still frighten me!  Most of Meg’s recent seizures have been during the night or in the early morning. I guess I just have visions of her seizing or going into status and no one noticing or her aspirating and choking.

A few weeks back I had gotten up to make a cup of tea in the morning and Meg was still sleeping, in the brief time I was in the kitchen Meg had a seizure.  I came back into the room to find her pillow covered in saliva and what I thought at the time was throw up, but ended up being blood mixed with saliva from her biting her tongue during the seizure.  I knew the seizure could have been anywhere from a few minutes to 15 minutes long and I felt so guilty for not staying in bed till she woke and being there for her. Now I know I wont be present for every seizure she has, but I would hate to burden someone else with that guilt!  Not to mention I’m not sure how comfortable my family members or her friends parents might be with having to administer rectal diazapam if it were needed?  I want her to feel independent and I worry sometimes that I maybe do too much for her or that I’m too overprotective. I worry I might be stunting her independence and god forbid her confidence.

Some nights I’m up till all hours of the night because I’ve heard her swallow a certain way or because she’s done something that’s reminiscent of a previous seizure.  I must ask her a million times a day how she’s doing? Sometimes if I call her for something she’ll actually say I’m fine Mom!  So how do I protect her, yet still give her enough space to feel confident and be independent?  How do you come to peace with your worries and fears about what could happen?  I don’t want to fail her!  I tell her all the time how smart and amazing she is, but is that enough?

On days when the temperature is in the mid 70′s, warm and peaceful like this I love Florida!

]]> http://kirsty815.wordpress.com/2012/01/25/wordless-wednesday-4/feed/ 12 kirsty815 IMG_2419 http://kirsty815.wordpress.com/2012/01/23/anxiety-sucks/ http://kirsty815.wordpress.com/2012/01/23/anxiety-sucks/#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 16:17:21 +0000 Gone Bananas http://kirsty815.wordpress.com/?p=5941 ]]>

It’s true!

It plain old, no doubt about it, royally sucks!

  It’s embarrassing, confidence breaking, frustrating not to mention it sometimes makes easy feel damn near impossible!  With that being said I am quite proud of myself today! I pushed through my anxiety and had a fabulous weekend!

  On friday we went with friends Rock and Bowling, which is when they turn on the black lights, turn up the loud music from the 50′s to the 80′s and bowl from 6 to midnight!  I suck at bowling, but had fun doing it non-the-less!

Then on Saturday we ventured into downtown Tampa for the Gasparilla Kids Parade! Last year I didn’t go and I really regretted it, so this year I was determined to go! I had one small, slightly embarrassing panic attack when I got a little claustrophobic in a port-o-potty, in the moment it felt big, but I pushed through and we had a brilliant time! 

Finally on Sunday we were invited over to a friends for their father’s birthday party!  It was such a beautiful day and the kids spent their time playing and catching fish! I brought my camera along and was able to play around with it and snap some cute pictures for them.

We had a really good weekend and I feel like I made myself and my family proud! 

If I knew yesterday what I knew today, where would I be tomorrow?  I won’t let my soul slide away, I’ll do whatever it takes because this time is only borrowed…

I got one life, one life, one life and I’m gonna live it!  I got one life, one life, one life and I’m gonna live it right!

  Yesterday my sister-in-law Denise from Run DMT and I spent Martin Luther King Jr. Day talking to our girls about their dreams for the world and the future.  First we had them watch MLK’s I Have A Dream speech and discussed why it was so important back then and why it is still important today.

We asked them what they’d like to see change in the world and what they thought would make the world a better place?  Then Denise found a fun way for them each to put their answers together in their own cute project.

Much like Martin Luther King Jr. we all have dreams! 

Some of our dreams are easily attainable while others may not be achieved in our lifetime.

My dream is that one day America will wake up and see how selfish it’s become and how it’s morals have been tainted by greed. 

How can we cut healthcare benefits and/or deny people the opportunity to get better based on insurance or income?  How do you make a drug to fix something and then not make it affordable for those who need it?  Or make a drug free in one country and not in another? I just don’t get it!  How can some people walk through life with blinders on and the attitude… if it’s not happening to me I shouldn’t have to deal with it?  Have we really become that callous and cold?

Wouldn’t it be better to say I care and I do because I hope someone would do the same for me or my children?  Investing in our nations health and education should be a priority and it should never be up for debate or become a bargaining chip because it is my belief a nation is only as strong as its people!  It’s time to stop the rhetoric, to come together and do the right thing!

*Raises hand*

Hi my name is Kirsten and I’m an addict!

I don’t know what it is about chocolate that’s so satisfying to me, maybe it’s the fact that chocolate releases those feel good endorphins into your brain?  Or… maybe it’s because all that creamy, chocolate goodness just tastes sooo good!

About a week or so ago hubby, Meggers and I were all at the mall so hubs could get his royal shave from The Art Of Shaving, which was an ultra cool gift his mum and step dad got him for Christmas (pics to come next week).  After he was done we headed on over to the Godiva store or as I like to call it the Go Diva store, but I digress!

My fellow chocolate lover and friend Beth over at Seeking My Sanity had let me in on a little chocolate secret. 

You can become a “Godiva Chocolate Rewards” card holder for free! 

 What? Why didn’t I know this? 

Yep apparently with this prestigious membership you can get a free piece of chocolate every month just by flashing your secret card.

*Cue mission impossible music*

Okay so maybe it isn’t quite as 007 as that, but I love to pretend it is and I can proudly say I’m now a member!

But do you blame me? I mean look…

Oh yeah baby!

*Cue Barry White*

*crickets*

Anyway, now you know about my sweet addiction go ahead and link up below to Run DMT’s Friday Food Fight for some more yummy goodness.

I was on my way home for dinner after a day of playing at the park with the neighborhood kids, when I spotted Liza, an older girl who lived just up the road from us coming down the path, waving her arms at me, she seemed desperate to tell me something.  My skipping slowed to a walk as Liza yelled out to me

“Your dad’s at your house!”

I looked at her a little puzzled.

“I know that silly he always is!”

Now Liza had caught up to where I was standing and after catching her breath said

“No no I mean your REAL dad!”

A weird feeling swelled inside my stomach, but  I didn’t want to let on to Liza who looked happy and seemed to take pride in the fact that she was the first to break this news to me.

 What did she mean my real dad? I pretended to play it off

“yeah right!  I bet you 10,000 pounds he’s not!”

“You’re on!”

 Liza said confidently and then with a toss of her hair she was off down the path towards the playground I’d just come from. 

I was confused! If she was playing a joke it wasn’t a funny one.  The feeling in my stomach was getting bigger and I was feeling more uncomfortable, so with a confused and almost excited curiousity I rushed home.

I arrived at the house and could feel my stomach churning. A million thoughts must have run through my mind as I took a deep breath, turned the handle and stepped inside.   Everything happened so fast I don’t even remember if there were formalities, I just remember my suitcase was packed and my step father told me I was going on a trip with a man I was told was my dad? I didn’t get to see my mum as she was in the hospital at the time and I don’t even remember if I saw my brothers and sister before I left.  I just remember my step father shaking my dad’s hand and then we were gone. 

I don’t remember much about the trip I took to Scotland with my dad?  I remember he was tall with dark almost black hair, a beard and tinted glasses. He smiled at me and seemed happy I was with him.  I remember windy roads, getting car sick, playing bouncy ball with a boy named Dean and then the next thing I remember is what was supposed to be a short, two-week vacation to Scotland became a two-year trip to Italy.

You see a lot of the girls in her class wear glasses and I guess she thought that was kind of cool and wanted to be part of the pack so to speak!

We explained that having perfect eyesight is a good thing! 

She wasn’t having it until we also told her she could get clear framed glasses from Claire’s just for fashion!

I was worried about her eyesight because she’d been tested at school and the results were poor! However, after a slew of tests performed by her Optometrist it turns out her eyes are just fine! *phew*

So… First we tried to take some pictures of her beautiful long hair!

DAAAADDY!!!!!

Meggers was a little nervous when we first got to the salon!

But once she was called for her turn in the chair she was ready!

First the stylist combed her hair back!

Then she neatly gathered it into a pony tail and measured out 10 inches, which is the minimum requirement for hair donation to Locks of Love!

After a quick braid it was time for the cut!

Ta daa!!!

 Then her stylist went to work on creating a Sweet and Sassy new look for Meg!

The stylist really did a great job and it was funny because throughout most of the hair cut Meg had absolutely no expression so we weren’t sure if she liked her new short hair.

  Finally she started smiling and I felt an immense amount of pride in what she had done!

Next the stylist let her pick a flower to accent her beautiful new cut!

So freakin’ cute!

Everybody loved it and most importantly Meggers loved it!

Her stylist finished it up with lots of glitter and she added some cute purple glitter stars to her face!

Her new cut made her feel like such a big girl and for the rest of the night she was beaming from ear to ear!

We took her braid home and let it dry naturally, then we filled out the donation form (which you can find on the locks of love website), packaged it up and mailed it to:

Locks Of Love 234 Southern Blvd, West Palm Beach, FL 33405

For more information on how you can donate to Locks Of Love  please visit their website by clicking HERE!

When we first arrived we were handed a program and Meghan quickly realized she would be third to play!

She was so nervous and so excited all at the same time! 

Meg scanned the crowd looking for her piano teacher and finally took a deep breath once she saw her walk in.

When it was her turn to go up I could feel my eyes starting to well up, but I bit my lip to keep it together.

She did such a fantastic job!

 Her dad and I both gave her big hugs and told her how proud we were of her.

Her teacher gave her a big hug and told her she did great too and for the rest of the night  she was grinning from ear to ear!